you can never...

you can never laugh enough
you can never love enough
there will always be more to cry about
there will always be more to think about
but when you know you've had enough
of all the silly rotten stuff
enough is enough
twist that cap
and shake it up
don't let that stuff fill up your cup
fill your cup with inspiration
mix in a dash of determination
and you will get there
and remember remember
that on the way
to there
you can never laugh enough
and you can never love enough

the hard drive

you will keep running
but you will never be able to hide
because you can't hide
in those hiding places in your mind
cuz your mind is what defines
your view of this fine
world
and if i were you
i would surrender now
cuz in order to hide
you'll have to erase the
hard drive
deleting everything you
have inside

i got this.

i feel crazy
someone save me
i feel crazy
someone save
me
save me
from my self

i feel misguided
confused
and frightened
this rope i am walking on
is fraying
i need it to be tightened
i need to walk on the wide end
but im walking on the silky side
the side with no support
just invisible threads
shredding so short
where
did all my friends go

OH I SEE THEM
screaming "ABORT ABORT"
i cant afford
another
retort
im wasted
and being hazed
tazed
and just in case
you didnt catch my name
confusion is my epitaph
where the faces are all the same
my identity is stolen
empty head
i walk the tight rope
of shame

but i hear on the other side
is a paradise
but how will i get there
without my vice
my vice
my drug
my life
how will i make it
without the things that make
me feel SO NICE

i hear there is some shepherd
that guides you to the other side
some master magician
who catches you when you slide
it seems he even walked over this
same tide

he knows where the tight rope
is frayed
and where it's tight
but i hear he lost his eye sight
how can i trust this shepherd
with my life

this is crazy
this is crazy
someone save
me

someone
someone
im slipping
falling
flipping inside
my hearts doing handsprings
cuz i see the tide
underneath the
tight rope
i walk
its called my life

but i hear
there is another side
where the grass is greener
where love resides

i hear there is a street of wide paved gold
where fairy tales and wisdom are ever told
i hear of this place
i want to find it
but
in order to find it
i have to give up
my drugs
my boy
my toys
my car
my voice
my house
my roll royce
no
not
the royce
not the fendi
not
the
speed
not my meat
not my
beautiful
cheat sheets
the things
that
help
me
get
through
this
disaster
heap
i call
my life

i would take the daring leap
the other side is near
i would take the daring leap
but what would people say
i guess i really do care

that leap
isn't cheap, no i wouldn;t dare
its ....
not fair

im falling
someone save me
i hear that blind man
calling
but ....
i think
I'LL save me
....
i got this.

what is freedom?

why worry about the freedom behind us
when there is freedom beside us
its the freedom of silence
that helps you take a
peek at the the inner life island

its a balmy breeze siren
waves craSHINg
killing tyrants
singing sweet melodies
the fluid wisdom
the solid truth

but what we think is freedom
is calculated science
the science of lying
that kills
the soul that sleeps
behind the eyelids

to see is to 'feel'
but are feelings real?
emotions can trick you
and sting you like a
jelly fish on
your heel
reality
is
the only thing Satan conceals
so remember that God
is the way
to the truth filled fields
fields blooming with promise
this field is the raw deal
let him be your shield
keeping you from the lies
that weaken the will

gods truth reigns supreme
its a dream lighter than
whipped cream
it is a breezy beam
cozy like the sauna steam
this liberating dream
even gives hope to a fiend

truth is the way i walk
even though the narrow seems
tough
but tough
is the way of love
love is a choice
love is that small voice
guiding your dark head
the voice in the void
telling you
to exercise choice
(does the simple life
seem too coy?)
don't throw life around
like a toy
(its a gift)

so i ask you
what is freedom?
is freedom doing what you please
pleading your too weak
so you walk with ease
get sucked into a tantric tease
or is freedom
walking in truth's breeze
even when the cold waves sneeze
spewing cold dew on you
you walk true
in between the black and blue
in between the white and black
never looking back
never looking back
even when your attacked
and feeling fat
and you lag behind and slack
you keep walking true to the
tic that was tacked
for your toes
to stay walking in the fact
the fact
that your saviour
has a plan
to win you back
you the lost sheep
who used to sleep in the gutter
pain slabbed on your skin like butter

worn thin you muttered and moaned
trying to find your way back home
thought your freedom was owned by you
but you, you were on the slave ship too
owned by the prince of darkness
who abused you
and still you accused
the man who had nails driven through his hands
for you
you
chose freedom
when you should've chose truth
but i ask you now
what freedom will you choose?
the freedom that helps you win
or the freedom that helps you lose

.............

tame/wild

wild like a garden
tame like a baby
lush like the forest
your noose can't hang me
cuz im wild like a garden
tame like a baby

Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up to salvation– if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is good.
(1 Peter 2:2-3 ESV)

the viking & the babe

wanna rage wild like a viking
vying to be king
but i will stay floating
in the bay of peace
peace so meek
flowing in ease
tease the
wind whipping between my teeth
with my tongue i push back the trigger of the gun
shoot into the sky
the sun
and a ton of mist flows from my fist
my curls wave goodbye to me in the rearview of
my life
my hair is gone
now im bald
and i feel like a child
naked yet free
soft skin feels like a velvet field
a terrain of purity
now i am back
on the ship..
floating
like a baby
[like moses in his basket]
so a child i will be.
[god is calling us to be children]




“Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them.
(Mark 10:13-16 ESV)

rubiks cube

enter the rubiks cube in your mind
twist the colors till they align
when truth starts to become apparent
humans start to become daring
so keep your thoughts in shape
and prepare for the GREAT ESCAPE
dont let your mind be bound by duct tape
because the mind is gods dwelling place

do you see the picture?
is it getting clearer?
do you hear her?
your conscience has a mirror
it can reflect god or a bearer
of bad news.

keep wise and make no comprimise
because the great escape will save lives
if you keep your eyes on the saviours eyes
enter the rubiks cube in your mind
keep it aligned to his colors divine

what if

what if cherubims
sinned with a grin
and an evil eye matched
the sly smile above their chin
halo of invisible death, sin under the skin


what if a vAMPIRE
carried a bible in his hands
while sucking blood
like your number one fan

see sometimes sin looks sweet as cake
but we don't see whats real and what's fake
because were stuck inside sins fate
better realize what sin is before its too late

don't let that attractive mask grasp your hands
pull you down into its sickening quicksand
don't let deception ruin your purposed plan


.........

the wise man

will we fall or rise?
the ends no surprise
if we look through heaven's eyes

like the wise man said
use your head not your lips
i give you full strength
equipped with a silent gun that grips

a gun that blasts wisdom
how come
we're all running from
the wisest one?
we want to be the brightest one
the fastest one
the hottest one
not the meekest one

you see
god did hang on a tree
but it wasn't so we could
be a rock star
because rock stars don't bring
the world far
dying on an overdose of self
egomaniac always wants to tell
but when it comes to love
they'd rather buy than sell
rather tell than show
because at their show and tell
they are the only talent

"sell MY self?
give all I got?
you must be tripping
stop blowing up my spot"
so these rockstars on the pulpit
kings and queens on the red carpet
hold up their dreams but it seems
the theme of their dreams
is THEM
not what the wise man told them to be
see, the man who is the meekest
nobody remembers
come december
when the tree's lose their leaves
you hear the wise
man singing in the sweet breeze
" go out and love the least of these"

the wise man made the difference
kings and queens seem amazing
self esteemed
but popularity breeds
problems like weeds
in the garden god is
trying to grow us in

the ego
must go
if we go
to show show
show off the glitz the fluff the glamor
we gotta remember the man
who had spikes banged into his hands by a hammer
the wise man never stammered
he lead by example
he walked the walk
and talked in few words..
so when you feel like your at
your worst
you're actually at your best
because the ego bites your ass
when you believe YOUR better than
the rest
......

hey, we aren't gods gift to the world
god is the GIFT..
we got to humble ourselves in order
to show others that gift.
(god reserved a special space within us..where that gift fits..and if we become egomaniacs we won't have room for that gift.}


ECCLESIASTES 9:13-17
Wisdom Better Than Folly
13 I also saw under the sun this example of wisdom that greatly impressed me: 14 There was once a small city with only a few people in it. And a powerful king came against it, surrounded it and built huge siegeworks against it. 15 Now there lived in that city a man poor but wise, and he saved the city by his wisdom. But nobody remembered that poor man. 16 So I said, "Wisdom is better than strength." But the poor man's wisdom is despised, and his words are no longer heeded.

17 The quiet words of the wise are more to be heeded
than the shouts of a ruler of fools.

18 Wisdom is better than weapons of war,
but one sinner destroys much good.

baby blue

her tear stained cheeks
burned for weeks
with the poison
of her sorrow
but soon she learned
to take a peek
and peer into
tomorrow

the rose in the storm

there grew a rose on stormy shores
peeking from the sandy floor
petals opened up like doors
for the sun that it grew for

but sudden rock and wind swift soared
and blew the waters on the shores
so the flower grew protective thorns
to keep its petals from getting torn

like hungry wolves and wild boars
waves ripped into the roses core
as the tide took more and more
the roses faith grew further foriegn

but when above an eagle soared
and gazed upon this stormy war
knowing the devil wears his horns
he snatched the rose from the ocean roar

so when your bothered by the boars
remember the flesh of god was torn
in order for you to be re-born
when the ravaged rose tender mourns
reflect upon HIS crown of thorns
the waves tossed on your rocky shore
compare not to the scoff and scorn
he built you so you can survive the storm
you will prevail and be re-born

so if your petals feel nipped and ripped
tossed about by the sea's power trip
know the great eagle will dive and dip
and rescue you with every risk

shiny apple.

once upon a time
there once was a tree
of good and evil

on that tree..a forbidden
fruit grew..it was shiny
it looked so DELECTABLE
and smelled divine as an
entire orchard of the finest
fruit.

adam and eve were
specifically told not
eat this fruit.

one day they went by the
tree and met a snake
this snake had a split tongue
with a devilish twist

this destructive twisting
tongue slurred lispy lies
into their ears

eve fell for the deception
and ate the fruit

adam soon followed

the apple was delicious as
expected
each bite
more tasty than the last

but soon.. the bites grew bitter

eventually they hit a razor bladed
core...
this sharp center split their tongues

their tongues split like the snake
and they became like the lowly animal
crawling on their bellies

............

remember that things seem fun and fantastic from afar but sometimes fun and fantastic has an awful evil twin named TERROR. terror sweeps in with its razor centered lies. when we bite these lies we become like snakes.. lowly beings banished from the beauties of life. we keep on biting forbidden fruit until we can;t stop.


god isn;t trying to be a jerk when he says" don't eat that fruit, its not good for you" he is trying to keep us from destroying our POTENTIAL. we all have great potential and were not created to slither around on our bellies like serpents.

like the switchfoot song "we were meant to live for so much more"

dont eat the shiny apple with the razor center
just because you got stuck in a jigsaw puzzle of bliss and adventure

remember that JESUS CHRIST can save you from anything, just read the bible.

if you don;t believe in christ... at least love yourself enough to avoid the tree of good and evil. if you don't know how to love yourself enough to avoid this tree.. maybe GOD is your only answer.

you don't have to spend your whole life crawling like a snake on the floor..
god can teach you how to walk
and even how to fly.

give him a try


"Know also that wisdom is sweet to your soul; if you find it, there is a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off". ~ Proverbs 24:14

god loves all of us screw ups

taste his sweet wisdom.. and throw away that rotten razor apple.

second chances

second chances
the prodigal son dances
come home my child

the father yells out into the sunset "second chances, come home my child" the prodigal son hears this and he looks at the gold and riches in his hands and finally says " this is nothing compared to the love of my father"
you see, many people don't know that there are second chances waiting for them. they think once they run away the father will never take them back. well, luckily JESUS loves us so much he throws a party on behalf of our return home. we have a father who is calling out into the sunset for us to come home and dance with him. join this jubilee.. it is a collective experience of dancing and re-connecting with our roots (aka the father)!

will it be?

as i LAYED there in a frozen coma
I FELT the dopamine
leaking from my brain
floods and floods of
this precious pleasure chemical
leaking and bleeding
through me
Out of me
like flood
a waterfall
of pitch black

SAIL AWAY SAIL AWAY

Emotions so hyper and backwards

So fragile

A birds melody could make me cry

Pins pricked me
Like demons were being crucified on my body
My brain was hot lava
Scorched
Torched
i felt like fire was licking my skin

I WAS FIRE
I WAS WATER
I WAS TEARS
I WAS BLOOD

I WAS SUNSHINE
I WAS RAIN
I WAS ANGRY
I WAS LAME

I WAS HAUNTED
I WAS BRUISED
I WAS LOVED
BUT STILL CONFUSED


I was fearless
I was thunder
I was bold
Now just blunders

I was love
I was laughter
I was I was
but now im shattered

I need a lantern
I need some fuel
Life’s too slow
Pains too cruel

I need a map
I need a key
I need a …
But will it be?

.........
some never think they will make it out alive. some never try.. but i am here to tell you all that it is possible to become free from addiction and depression. i've learned my lesson that it is never too late to apologize to God and to make things right.. he will always forgive and forget. God will give you the strength to LIVE. give your heart to God, he is the only way to make it out alive.

we the flock...

sometimes there will be wolfs aiming to break up the flock. this is why 'we the flock' must huddle together like a tight knit family. we have to carry each others burdens and love one another so when the ravenous beasts come to tear into our white wool, we will stand strong.when we realize how important community is in the family of God, we will truly start letting the petty little arguments and disagreements go.

like acidic rain.

deaf put a strain on this relational game
when we close our ears we tend toward vain

mental negativity vomits up all the complaints
knees buckle light now we're ready to faint
our holier than though mouths need a little restraint
i dont believe some are sinners while others are saints

so when it comes to judging, i WILL refrain
cuz judgementalism is a drug with no gain
a high that flows down like acidic rain

the louis to your clark

its funny how you "outgrew me"
when we barely met
thought you saw right through me
just some space cadet
but do you know what threw me?
while crying and upset
told me i must improve things
pickled in a fret
all about the smoothing
your ego like a pet
i needed your approving
made my body sweat
thought that i had to prove things
had to ace the test
but now i know you'd use things
striking with your threats

i was the louis to your clark
you were the clyde to my bonnie
but we were lost inside the dark
not even invisibility saw me
you made your mark in my heart
lukewarm and kind of balmy
but our romance lost its spark
and confusion came in crawling

i do care for you still
i wish you all the luck
crucified on heavens hill
to remove you from the muck
i wish to you no ill will
dont mind my verbal vice
i hope you live a life fulfilled
i hope you find a wife
that will teach you all skills
keep you doing right
i know now i was not your type
its all right i lost the fight
i see now god has a different plan
to keep us in his life

perfect pin

promised i'd never fall again
i knew that i had found a friend
i promised it was all at end
strong enough not to bend
but sometimes i walk out on a limb
it breaks and i start falling in
in darkness i end up calling him
knocked over i'm just a fallen pin
bowling balls keep crawling in
i feel like i'm appalling him
hate that i'm applauding sin
frown pasted on my joyful grin
but i cant listen to feelings dim
they keep the holes from filling in
mistakes don't make me a slave to sin
with HIM i am a perfect pin

/////////////
part of learning how to walk is falling. when a baby first takes its steps, it often falls. eventually this baby learns how to walk! as a newb to christianity i feel like a failure. i find myself doing things i know i should NOT be doing or just plain sucking all together. the beautiful thing about this all is knowing that NO MATTER how dark my cloud gets the sun will always shine through. gods love is so amazing that i can't fathom how or why he still cares. i make a mockery of him and he STILL wants me back! he wants me even when i fall and deny him like peter. i am a joke but god see's the great potential in me and wants it. i don't get it! i am rubbish and i do not deserve this grace..but god does not want or need a bunch of perfect robots to share his light with the world.. he needs BROKEN, CRAZY, AND GENUINE people who are WILLING. when we are able to understand how imperfect we are god is able to use us. i will flat out admit that i wonder why god still has faith in me! i am so not ideal, so not standard.. but his grace is sufficient ENOUGH! he doesn't need perfection he needs people who want to walk in HIS direction despite their fears. sometimes we may fall but there is NOTHING that says we are unworthy of jesus. he is always ready to use us even when we abuse his trust. he is always willing.. i don't care if your smoking crack or giving your body to strangers.. he still loves you and wants to use you. when we realize god still loves us JUST the way we are.. that is when we truly start turning away from sin and walking into him.

he accepts us (as we are)
we believe (because of this sensational unconditional love)
than we follow ( him.. and his will for us)

NOT

we believe
follow
THAN he accepts us


remember, god has no conditions. you can not earn his love.. it is a gift. he love's you with every inch of his being, he loves you the way you are. he wants to help you grow..

i am a raging screw up and JESUS LOVES ME AND HAS A PLAN FOR ME! this is so liberating. i cant even describe the hope i feel...

wow
i am going to make it because of god.. i can breathe now because i know HE IS GOING TO GET ME OUT.

But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. ~ Isaiah 40:31

GOD loves us EXACTLY the way we are..but he loves us WAY too much to let us stay that way.

dig not the doubt

drawing colors
in my clouds
playing fiddles
ocean sounds
warm wind touch me
run out loud
wishing fountain
make me proud
not bitter pride
the kind you shout
dream sand castles
not short nor stout
the impossible is here
i don't dig doubt

..............



the taste of sin was so sweet but i had to leave that path behind. why? the longer i walked it the more of a maniac i became. sin and selfish exploits lead to the foothills of self addiction. i was a junkie to a drug called 'me'. i became the center of a universe where i was the only one who mattered. this was a tragic loveless tale that made me feel so bitter, cold, and empty. i felt like a robot who was being wound up by the devil himself. i could barely recognize myself in the mirror sometimes because the eyes in my reflection reflected nothing. the funny thing is, this path of sin was so glittery and fun at first until it became the norm. it was a fact that i was a slave. it was a fact that i lacked self control, love for others, and love for self. it was a fact that i had no future. my life was a miserable loop of ME ME ME letdown after letdown. the glitter faded and was replaced with the dust of death. i looked around and saw i was surrounded by other corpses and other lifeless robots.some of these dehumanized souls were completely devoured by the malicious vultures that encircled in the dark sky above. these vultures were so malicious they even ate the sun. they tore into my porcelain white skin, attacked my golden brown locks, gouged out my sea green eyes all like a midnight snack. these vultures were demonic and ruthless. i screamed but nobody cared. i screamed but nobody could hear because the vultures had eaten out their ears. there was just one half eaten body left and with its last dying breathe it said " RUN, you took the wrong path. get out as soon as you can or you will have no soul, no body, and no life."

i saw the sea of bones that day. i ran and never looked back.

today i am surrounded by lush singing saints because i found the path to heaven. i am surrounded by birds that charm their way into my soul. i see color, i see vibrant life, and i hear words of good cheer. i can taste magic and smell miracles. i can feel jesus touching my heart and, the mechanical mastermind he is, engineering it back to FULL FUNCTION. i know i am healing because i see a future for myself. i know life will continue to shake and shine and i love this life divine.i am a part of this branch of humanity that doesn't turn its back on you. i see and taste love and feel the wind dancing in my core. i am surrounded by this contagious light that creeps up from my toes into my belly and onto my face forcing me to smile. i am alive, i am well... most of all? i am escaping hell with the help of god! its a journey where i hold HIS hand and he helps me escape more and more each day. every time i find myself hanging out in hell or faced with its flames, i know its going to be ok and i know i do not have to stay stuck.

escaping hell
is possible

escape hell?

you decide

die slow or miracle grow

scaredy cats stay floating
like paper thin as air
common talk folk quoting
but stay they unaware
in a mechanical motion
chipping away their care
drinking popular potion
now pillar salted stares
robotic common notions
difference only dares
wont exceed the quotient
uniforms they wear
slather on magic lotion
clothing their skin bare
adam eve fell in the ocean
now standing out is rare

clothed in robes of true revolt
stop to strike a pose
conforming only brings the halt
rags cant be white clothes
face to face with all your faults
show them that you rose
rose from death to heed the call
convicted from head to toe
truth is now your weapon tall
the secret to miracle grow

the mightiest sword: dreams

in between
lies your dreams
the grey matter
that makes you scream
makes your soul fiend

these cracked out dreams
knuckles white like cream
holding tight onto themes
clenching them til they gleam

join team that makes your dreams scream
join team that makes your dreams gleam
join a revolutionary rampaging scheme
and take back this world for your dream

boredom will lose your bets
until you forget the sun that sets
don't wait until your deep in debt
chase your dreams, you global threat
fake not that your happy yet
your poison pills lead to death
remember all the tears and sweat
and grab your strength to fuel your jet

join the team that makes your dreams scream
join the team that makes your dreams scream
join the team that makes your dreams scream
join the team that makes your dreams scream
join the team that makes your dreams scream
join the team that makes your dreams scream
join the team that makes your dreams scream

join
join
join

the revolution of dreams


“Don't be pushed by your problems. Be led by your dreams.”

no benefit in the benefits

its weird. fame is just a role the system plays to control. we fiend the celebrities charisma, intellect,fashion, and individuality. in reality, many times these rock stars (etc)are actually being spoon fed by the system what to rap, think, sing, how to act, and what to ingest. its a sick mess! why are so many of these celebrities selling out? somewhere along the road they got addicted to something! maybe it was the ego boost, the benefits, the fame, or the money. they got hooked and went forth with it instead of realizing it was a trap and turning back to home base.

this is essentially the anthem of many of us 'normal folks' we got addicted to something along the way and we didn't turn back when we found out it was a trap.. we kept on treading deeper and eventually got stuck.

lets not get hooked on the benefits and become controlled by the system! take the road less traveled...the road that leads to a heavenly system.

a million drums

ill feed your guns
one million drums
so we can all
be rhythem stunned
under one sun
of unification
if this could be
what is the sum?
if we just had
one global vision
just one source
it did come from
red beating hearts
feel the source
of the drum
if we could shake
this earthquake
we could maybe
trade pain for fun
and the god of
life would breathe
"it is done"
and we'd march
forth to the gates
of heaven

steady as the moonlight

After work on Wednesday I frantically raced to center city to try and make it in time for a my dear disco show, this groovy band i found one year ago at world live cafe. i was so giddy inside to get re-acquainted with their funky flavor and dance my pants off (or pants me dance off, as was our joke last summer)! i rushed to the Khyber after parking my car only to find out i had no cash.. boo on that. But still determined, I walked over to the corner store and spotted an ATM only to find out I had insufficient funds! Bummers..I thought. Instead of getting negative, however, I summoned my positive spirit to reemerge, thinking to myself "there must be something nifty in store, i guess ill just stroll around the piazza and explore." I strolled through parks and through the cobble stone streets,taking it all in, absorbing the rickety every things. Pondering and people watching as i enjoyed the balmy breeze tickling my skin. This tickle kind of led me to Penn's landing. Penn's landing is the port where the B frank bridge is, and all the ships meditate and mosey. I decidedly did the same. I saw the other side, Camden NJ, looked at the bridge lights changing color, admired the ships in the distance, thought about sailing and the titanic. I noticed how many different types of light there were on the Jersey Buildings. There were super fluorescent ones, the type that zig and zag, and even the type that look almost blue they are so bright. I then noticed the moon and its steady solid stretch across the water, not boastful, just steady. It stretched across in a humble hue of silver excellence. I saw its reflection in comparison to the flashy mirroring types, so many I must add, yet not quite as silently brilliant. The moon's reflection was brilliant because it was the center of all of these lights. The moon's reflection was brilliant because it stretched across. The moon's reflection was brilliant because it showed all the others who was boss. It seemed to feel bold, and I thought how it was probably reflecting just the same no matter where it was. These lights' reflections were only found in the waters of Penn's landing, but the moons was found in the ponds of Alaska, in a Persian fountain, in the Himalayan mountain streams. It could be found anywhere. God spoke to me and said "You see, these lights represent many different paths in life, whether they be religious or lifestyle related.. Focal points you could call them. You have drugs, you have Hinduism, you have philosophy, you have cultural pop Christianity, you have nomadic lifestyle et cetera. Then look at me, I reach all the way to the other side of the water. I may not be as flashy, but I am reliant. I may not be as popular, but I am one and I have no alter ego, no catch, no gimmick. I am one. Anyone can travel on my path. You don't have to be smart, popular, wear hemp pants, a cross around your neck. If you follow me, travel my path, get to know it, you will surely make it to the other side. I look narrow because I am. I am not narrow because I don't want people to travel upon me but because I am not the popular choice. I am like the moon, I GLOW in the night and burn in the day. I am never dark. These lights vanish at day time. These lights need man to power them. I need nobody. I am the alpha and the omega. Look at the stars that shine next to me, you are those stars. Tiny mirrors of the moon. I have a plan for you Dear Kimmy, I have a plan for you... Follow my path and you will see"

God has a plan for you.. Seek his path, his friend ship.. And you will find that the glow of the moon is the best light on earth. Many people get blinded by the lights and confused, there are so many! The moon is always there to guide you. Seek it and you will find it. I saw something bigger than a groovy band that day. I a revelation of God. Nature opens him up to me..Let God reveal himself and . . .

Follow the moon . . .

sea bird in search for air.

i feel like a flock of gritty sea birds searching for unpolluted air. i need to get out of this town, i feel like i am suffocating. it was wonderful while it lasted but it is time to start a new chapter. yes, ill be the first to admit i cant stay put like grandmas pudding. i am a free spirited mess that has got to chase her next dream, her next nomadic destination, her next challenging adventure in order to stay alive. i believe god is calling me to philadelphia to reach out to the soon-to-be lifeless city. i want to catch it before its heart stops beating! it is the city of brotherly love and there is no darn reason it has to stay stuck in the clutches of hate. it is gods city and i plan to take part in winning it back for him!

ill miss you berrien springs, you were beautiful to get to know. its time to say goodbye to all the great nightmares and lovely memories had with you. it was a divine love affair.. i will forever remember it all. goodbye for now....

much love>

apostolic.

its like we are born, blaze through the beginning, fast forward through our youth, and live to make money and maintain. we literally are like rats in some epic attempt to make a point, some sick experiment. slaves to a system that doesn't work yet we are blinded to seeing its flaws. its like we are driving in a tinted car nobody can see inside us, we can only see them. its like we are all invisible robots marching toward death. so perhaps there must be more revolutionaries screaming their anthems on the perfectly paved streets. we need people to wave their rebel flags, ever so kindly, in the faces of the ignorant. we need people to graffiti their message, ever so lovingly, on the hearts of those abandoned ( and abandoning). we need to step up and be the lone drummer boy, marching daringly. does this system really work? look at all the inequality. the western world is a slave to materialism and comfort while the rest of the world looks on in awe. its like we are walking zombies with no soul. what have we become? i want to see a heaven on earth because this is starting to look rather gritty. we all say we are christians but do the poor know who god is? its more than just praying for people and reading your bible. its more than just handing out religious pamphlets hoping that people will reach a new epiphany. it goes beyond all the surface suit wearing preaching and deeper into the heart, deeper into the ghetto of the problem, and into the thicket of this madness. you cant love your notions and ideals, love the idea of love, sit around philosophizing, and ignore the bleeding. who are we saving? this Christianity is a feel good theological thrill. this Christianity is creating cobwebs in the minds of they that have no bed. this Christianity is a false prophet misleading and deceiving the public. who do we love anyway? lets go out and break of love like loaves and fish, multiply it in the hearts of the martyrs, and spread it like hot gooey butter. there are many true Christians out there, whether they are part of an institution or not. Lets take on our burden though because their cross is getting kind of heavy! They too need water, they too need encouragement, they too need cheerleaders, they too need love. Christianity is not about self, its about family. Lets love the poor like they are Jesus himself, lets show the broken Christ through our friendship.

Lets be that gritty apostolic Christianity, we are Gods body.. Lets start walking. There is a beautiful pilgrimage to paradise in store, lets start walking toward it (all together).

boo ya ka sha

s†op searching and s†art deciding

i have all the answers in front of me caught inside that cobweb looming above my head. if i have them in front of me, what is stopping me from reaching up and grabbing them? one word: fear. fear is crippling! what im realizing, however, is that this ugly emotion is evil and there are very few things in life worth fearing. screw it, living in a cave of fear is going to chop me into itty bitty shreds of regret. i do not want to be an old bitter hag one day. this is the biggest fear i should have>> not ever taking chances. so i shall stop searching ( shuffling my feet at the door of faith) and start frikin deciding. soar like a wild, bold, and zany eagle. the sky is the limit baby!

truth is freedom

so im feeling a bit blue today. there is something that is bothering me a ridiculous amount and instead of doing everything i can to move past it and stay positive i am dwelling and blobbing around like a sloth. this past week i was doing pretty great at maintaining my cool. i went jogging excessively and focused on things like laughter and art projects. today i am backsliding heavily, 'crashing and burning as some say. i know that sitting here watching tv all day is only making matters worse...so than why am i still doing it? i think its my feelings. my feelings have me in such a funk that they are crippling me inside. they are being whiny babies that want attention and they want to feel empowered or enlarged. they want to feel like rock stars. its called self pity i suppose. you know what? i am tired of it though. alls i have to do is get off my lazy ass, stop moping, take a walk , or call up a friend. crying about it isnt going to change what is impossible to change! it all lies in the power of choice. these are the unfortunate facts now how am i going ot deal with them? am i going to let them play tic tac toe with my emotions or am i going to take back the steering wheel and be the one in power? the brain can be like a little disobedient child that must be parented. i think im going to choose to do what it takes to feel better even if its by a mere fraction. choose..just choose.

tasty morning

voluntary insomnia is a winner. in a way, it helps me fall deeply in love with the morning sunlight. the peace of the early start. the peace of knowing everyone is sound asleep. the peace of knowing i could waltz around naked if i pleased. it helps me fall in love with the morning i rarely see. i love the way the light shines in and hits my room magnifying all the colors and piercing the souls of my posters. i love the way i feel alive. i hear catching the early sunrays acutally helps give birth to seratonin! yippee. i like this. its just too bad i am this slothy night owl that refuses to wake up before noon unless there is a pressing appointment. i wont even wake up for church! i am happy free soul and no complaints..but what i ought to do is greet the morning more often. life is shorter than i can believe and i dont want to miss out on its magic. the morning is a sliver of lifes magic. mmmm... so is sleep (except for when abused). who knew you could abuse sleep like a drug! crazy talk. i do have lots of wonderful things to be thankful for! god, people, love, sunlight.. my new addiction to running! oh, and laughter is on the top of the list.

i cant wait to continue my journey. life is golden!